Dialogue: District 1/Tutorial Walkthrough

I have been busy scrolling through my old screenshots on Dropbox to write you a complete dialogue district walkthrough! Let us know what you thought was the funniest moment!

Tutorial & District 1 Dialogue

Peter: Aw, geez. I destroyed Quahog. And years of drinking have destroyed my cognitive function. But let’s focus on the first problem and never talk about the second.

Speech bubble above Peter: Tap me and I’ll put out this fire! This is a critical part of our fake friendship.

(Put Out Fire, 10 secs)

Peter: Hey, the fire’s out and I found some coins in the rubble! Now I can fix my house and get back to watching any show on HBO that promises nudity.

Speech bubble above Peter: Tap my house to hire an undocumented worker to fix it.

Speech bubble above Peter: In his native country, he’s a cardiologist.

(You find Chris Griffin)

Peter: Wow, Chris survived! Looks like that thick skull’s good for something after all.

Chris: Dad! I got scared and wet myself when I saw the fight. Can you find me some new pants, socks, and money for therapy?

Peter: Sure thing, Chris, I’ll get you new clothes. Part of being a terrible parent is putting Band-Aids on problems.

(Instruction bubble: Tap the circle to see what Chris wants. You don’t even have to wash your hands first!)

(Find Pants: Make Peter Tear Away Pants, 4 secs)

(Instruction bubble: Give these pants to Chris. Like any normal teenage boy, his dad still has to dress him.)

(Tap the Pants above Chris to give him the Pants)

Chris: Thanks, Dad! These pants smell significantly less like my own pee!

(Instruction bubble: Chris needs coins. Did you know if you touch my house, it gives you coins?)

Peter: Sweet! I found golden Clams in my house!

Chris: School taught me that Quahog settlers used Clams as money. And that they’re magic and speed up time!

Peter: I can use Clams to finish stuff fast and buy things? Makes sense to me.

(Tap the Coins above Chris to give Chris the Coins)

Chris: Alright, I’m rich! No one cares if rich people pee themselves! Isn’t that right, Monocle-Clad Gentleman?

Monocle-Clad Gentleman: It is!

(Instruction bubble: Let’s get Chris faster with these Clams we found. Then he can help us fix this place up!)

(Tap on the lock above Chris, use 1 Clam to give Chris socks)

Chris: Yay! Thanks for getting me these socks!

Chris: One day I’m gonna make an honest woman out of you!

(Instruction bubble: Alright! One more tap and Chris is ours forever. Treating people like objects is fun!)

(Tap on the gold lock to unlock Chris)

(You got Chris! Yay! I’m unlocked! You’re now friends with a teenage boy on the internet.)

Chris: Thanks for helping me out, Dad. We should find the rest of the family to help you get revenge on the giant chicken!

Peter: Okay, but let’s start close to home because I’m not allowed to cross the street.

(Instruction bubble: Tap the exclamation mark to start a Quest! Quests help you earn stuff to help Quahog.)

Quest: Quest for Cable (Peter needs to watch TV.)

Peter: Our first quest is to get the cable back!

Peter: Hey, I know! I’ll make Chris into a satellite dish! He’s got enough metal in him from when he thought swallowing forks would turn him into Wolverine.

(Tap on ‘OPEN QUEST’ and an instruction bubble appears: Quests are stored on this blue clipboard. Unrelated, I ate a bunch of bugs today.)

(Get Better Reception, 6 secs)

Peter: Well, I MacGyvered the cr*p out of Chris and that didn’t work. Let’s just steal Joe’s cable.

(You Did It! Have Some Stuff! $25, XP20)

Quest: The Road to Rebuilding Pt. 1 (Peter needs to build the Swanson House to get cable.)

Peter: Let’s use the money to rebuild the Swanson House to steal Joe’s cable. It’s better than buying boring stuff like health insurance.

(Build the Swanson House, Fulfill Bonnie’s Needs)

(Instruction bubble: Tap the shopping cart to see what you can buy! Or don’t if you’re a commie piece of cr*p.)

(Instruction bubble: Tap the Swanson House to move it to its old spot. I’m sorry, “Simon says” tap the Swanson House.)

(You found Bonnie Swanson)

Bonnie: Hi, Peter. Joe’s not here, but I found our emergency kit! Some things are missing, but if you help me find them, we can use it to start fixing things up.

(Instruction bubble: There’s a chance to get items from doing actions. Basically we give you stuff for touching us.)

(To collect Adrenaline for Bonnie: Make Peter Kick Stuff! Road house! – 6 secs)

Peter: Here’s that adrenaline, Bonnie.

Peter: Even though we’re doing nothing wrong, I still feel like I’ll have to explain this to my wife.

(To collect Oregano for Bonnie: Make Chris Find a New Friend – 6 secs)

Bonnie: You know what would go awesome with this oregano? 60 tacos.

(To collect Fireworks for Bonnie: Get from The Griffin House)

(You got Bonnie! I hope you live on a second floor, because when Joe finds out we’re friends, he’s gonna be mad.)

Peter: Things I learned: when you build buildings, people come out! Kind of a bummer that it was Bonnie, but let’s be glad it wasn’t Jodie Foster. We get it, you’re proud of yourself.

(You Did It! Have Some Stuff! $25, XP20)

Quest: Bonnie’s Bake Sale Pt. 1 (Bonnie knows how to raise funds for Quahog.)

Bonnie: I’ll help Quahog by having a bake sale! That’s how I raised money for Joe’s chin implant. That’s right, the most impressive part of him is fake.

(Build Bonnie’s Bake Sale Stand)

Bonnie: I did it! And all thanks to the freakishly strong forearms I developed by pushing Joe’s wheelchair.

(You Did It! Have Some Stuff! $25, XP20)

Quest: Bonnie’s Bake Sale Pt. 2 (Bonnie knows how to raise funds for Quahog)

Bonnie: Time to sell all these treats. And hope no one notices the hard booger in my nostril.

(Help Bonnie sell her goods – 6 secs)

Bonnie: We did it! And like any good charity, I’ll give half of this to the cause and pocket the rest!

(You Did It! Have Some Stuff! $25, XP20)

Quest: Shape up, Quahog Pt. 1 Chris needs to shape up before shaping up Quahog.

Chris: Dad, I’m too fat to help rebuild Quahog. Can you help me get into shape?

Peter: No, go away. Oh wait, I need you for when I’m old and sick. Yes, I’ll help.

(Make Chris Hula Hoop – 6 secs, Help Chris Level Up)

Chris: Yay! I can see past my neck fat to my boob fat!

(You Did It! Have Some Stuff! $25, XP20)

Quest: Shape up, Quahog Pt. 2 (It’s the epitome of father and son bonding.)

Chris: Dad, do you wanna work out together?

Peter: Sure! But if a girl in yoga pants walks by, my attention’s going there.

(Have Chris Play Fat Leapfrog – 6 secs)

Chris: Thanks, Dad! Now I can help rebuild! I’ll start by unionizing and going on strike!

(You Did It! Have Some Stuff! $50, XP40)

Quest: Quest for Quagmire Pt. 1 (Peter needs to clear the street and find Quagmire)

Peter: I’m never gonna find Quagmire with all this junk in the way. If you clean it up, I’ll give you an ice cream sandwich…

(Clear Quagmire’s Block)

Peter: Great job! Oh, and they were out of ice cream sandwiches.

(You Did It! Have Some Stuff! $50, XP40, unlocked Quagmire’s House)

Quest: Quest for Quagmire Pt. 2 (Peter needs to help out Quagmire)

Peter: Let’s build Quagmire’s house. I like to pee in his hot tub. It’s a joke thing. Everyone knows I do it.

Peter: No one knows I do it.

(Erect Quagmire’s House – 1m, Help Quagmire Out)

(After placing Quagmire’s House, an instruction bubble appears: 1 minute?! I’ll never finish Spooner Street at this rate. Let’s speed it up with Clams!)

(You find Glenn Quagmire)

Peter: Hey Quagmire, how’s it going?

Quagmire: Not good. I’ve got my c*ck stuck in a bottle.

Peter: What?!

Quagmire: Giggity.

Mayor of Comedy: I am the Mayor of Comedy and I approve of this joke.

(Instruction bubble: Help me get my c*ck out of this bottle! Who else but me, right?)

(To collect Buttscratcher for Quagmire: Make Peter Surf the Bird – 6 secs, earns 1 Clam this time)

Peter: Aw, I didn’t get my buttscratcher! Let’s try again. My butt’s really itchy. I did what’s known as “an incomplete wipe”.

(Instruction bubble: Either restart the action, or use Clams to retry instantly. Let’s do it the faster way! – costs 1 Clam)

Peter: Hey, it worked! Now you can save time, and I can scratch my butt without stinkin’ up my hand!

Peter: Here you go. Hey, what do you need this buttscratcher for?

Quagmire: Uh… nothing.

Quagmire: That’s weird, you used to be white. (With a brown Gerbil in his hand)

(To collect Tissues for Quagmire: Make Chris Nose Goblins – 6 secs)

Quagmire: Thanks for these tissues. Now I can blow my nose and my hose. Giggity!

(To collect Panties for Quagmire: Make Bonnie Chug a Bottle of Wine – 1 hour)

(To collect Tubs of Vaseline for Quagmire: Get from Quagmire’s House)

Quagmire: Great, petroleum jelly! This is just what I need to restore my leather jacket! Not everything I do is sex.

(You got Quagmire! Why are you still playing this? The internet is for porn and finding younger photos of your friends’ moms.)

Peter: Yay, Quagmire!

Peter: Oh no, I’m a grown man who said ” yay” for another grown man!

(You Did It! Have Some Stuff! 5 Clams, XP20)

Check Out FaceSpace Visit Peter’s FaceSpace page

Peter: I just realized I haven’t looked at my phone in a while. I almost had a free-standing thought. Let’s check FaceSpace and make that go away.

(Check Peter’s FaceSpace)

(Instruction bubble: FaceSpace is where you can see everyone in town.)

(When you visit FaceSpace, another Instruction bubble appears: Look how many more people there are to find. But first, look at me!)

Peter: Ah, sweet non-personal interaction.

(You Did It! Have Some Stuff! $25, XP20)

Quest: Clam Juice Pt. 1 (Peter and Quagmire want to drink at The Drunken Clam.)

Peter: Well, I’ve been working for twenty minutes and by the rules of weekend work, that means I’ve earned two hours of drinking. To The Clam!

(Enter the Clam Quarter *District 2*, Clear the Block)

This is the end of this dialogue district walkthrough for District 1/Tutorial. The next dialogue district walkthrough will be District 2/Clam Quarter!

Hope the this has refreshed any long-term players of the dialogue and funny jokes, as well as help out any new players!

What was your funniest moment from District 1/Tutorial?

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